Prince of Peace

So, I am feeling much better today. I have a friend who experiences high anxiety and panic attacks, and I never really understood what she felt until now. I talked to her about it today. I explained how one little irrational thought or fear entered my head and then just festered until it was all I could think about. I couldn't eat, sleep, laugh, cry. It was so weird, unlike anything I had experienced since I was a child. Anyways, after a solid week of this, I think I am finalling coming out of it. Of course on the day I get over it, Jason and I are having issues and I had a really horrible lady come in the office today and throw things at me. Which by the way, was over a CPAP, which is a machine used for sleep apnea, which is supposed to help you actually get sleep, which is supposed to make you less cranky.....but I'm not buying it. Anyways, so it looks like the fight is still on to keep me down. It's been one thing after another, week after week. I am beginning to feel like Debbie Downer too, because I feel like I am always complaining about something, or have some ailment of some kind. I am not usually like this, so I am starting to get on my own nerves. Anyways, I went to my parents last night and ate pizza and watched TV. I curled up on the couch with my mom. It was so unbelievably needed. I feel like a different person today. It's funny to me that no matter how old you get, there's nothing like going home. Ahhh. So anyways, I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more last night. For peace, for understanding, for sanity!!! No doubt about it that between my parents and the Prince of Peace, I'm on the road to recovery;) So just keep praying for me as I try to find what it is that God is leading me to do. It must be big to have Satan so scared, which scares me a bit, but I think I might be ready:)

"The Will of God will not take you, where the Grace of God will not protect you"

Get behind me, Satan! (Matthew 16:23)

So, I have been having some serious anxiety issues over the past week. If you know me, you know that anxiety is not usually something you would associate me with, but on occasion I have let thoughts seep into the depths of me that wreak havoc. Most recently I have been gripped with fear, hopelessness, and doom over the "end of times". I know this sounds completely ridiculous to some of you, but for some reason lately I have just been so scared over the rapture, the antichrist, and all the things that go along with it. I AM NOT CRAZY! These things are real and they will happen, maybe or maybe not in our lifetime, but they will happen. But my concern is.......why am I scared? I mean I know that when the rapture comes I will be taken up to be with my heavenly father and I will have no more fear, tears, or regret. I know that this is not meant to be something that scares us, as Christians. And hopelessness, fear, and doom, certainly are not of God. So, the only thing I can come up with is that Satan is launching a full on attack on me. He has been doing so ever since I got back from camp. God is calling me to do some pretty amazing things I believe, and I believe that Satan is doing everything in his power to stop me from fulfilling these plans. Ever since I have returned from camp (Centrifuge), Satan has been giving me the one, two punch. First it was dischord in my marriage, then it was my grandfather passing, then it was a bad week at work, well, none of these things worked.....until now. I actually let him get to me, I actually let him get me worked up, I actually let thoughts enter my head that I never could have ever imagined I would think. He has caused me to be joyless, hopeless, unmotivated, dreadful, and faithless. How could I let him do such a thing? Well, no more. Satan, I am done with you. Last night I went on a walk with my mom, she said something to me that made my spirit's rise. It is something she has said to me before, but last night it really hit the spot. She said "Get behind me, Satan". Simple words, but wow! GET BEHIND ME, SATAN! Wow! All of the sudden I realized, I was letting him lead the way, I was letting him lead me into destruction, and once I realized this, I said "Get behind me, Satan." You have no power here, no authority here, no home here. I am a child of my Heavenly Father and He is my authority, He is my power, He is my home, my refuge, my strength. "I will fear no evil, for my God is with me. And if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?" So, Satan, I've got my boxing gloves on now, so you better be ready for a fight!


This video is what I imagine Jesus is doing for me right now. He is so awesome!!!

Blog? What's a blog?

I'm not really sure why I made this thing. I mean, I have a blog on my myspace that I have only used about twice. Something about this appealed to me though, so I did it. Maybe it will be therapeutic. I am not the most creative writer and can sometimes be long winded, so just bear with me. This is probably not going to be one of those blogs that you go to to find the most interesting stories, or insight into politics and the world around us, this is probably simply going to be about me, my friends, and family. It may simply be a place to tell you what I did today (or maybe to remind myself of what I do day to day) or maybe it will be a place to vent or share sad or happy news. I am not sure what it will be yet, but that is the fun part, watching it evolve. So that's it for now, maybe later I will have something more interesting to say, until then "good night and big balls! (you'd have to see Wipeout to understand)